Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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