is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
