I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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