dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
