hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
