Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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