you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
