i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
