He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Houston, we have a squirter
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
