new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
