I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
