This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
