Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
