wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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