since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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