I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
