hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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