If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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