I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
