in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
