Midget sex pt 2 tonight
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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