He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
