shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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