I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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