I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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