is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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