You really coming over, don't trick.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
