i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
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