I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
