I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
