That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
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