Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
