is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
