I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
