Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
