Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
