fuck your aforementioned shoe
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
