I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
