i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
