I want to stick my p in your. b.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
