You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
