is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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