i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
