i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
