My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
