It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
