maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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