so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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