I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
