now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
