you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
