I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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