have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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